Obedience + Humility

My thoughts on Obedience + Humility while parenting in our everyday life. Do our children need to obedient and humble or do we as parents need to be striving for these qualities as well.

Read my honest thoughts parenting with intention in the home.

I have to be honest.

I have been so frustrated lately with my children’s disobedience.

Very. Blatant. Disobedience.

For example

At my 5 year old’s gymnastics class my three year old and his friend run out into the gym area where they are not supposed to be.

The other mom asks her child to come back from where she stands, and the child comes. I do the same. None such luck. My child continues to run further into the area where he is not supposed to go. He’s now far enough away that I would have to shout so loud for him to hear me, that all other grown ups around will surely watch this display, so I move closer to said 3 year old.

This of course only makes him run further away. I continue to ask him to come, no dice. I even begin counting down from 5, and he’s still running away. Now in a bit of panic mode, I swoop in quickly with my jungle cat mama moves and grab his arm so that I can now physically remove him from this super enticing, yet forbidden area.

This now results in him fighting against me and hollering “nooooo” as I move him out of the gym area. I try to talk to him softly like I ” should”. Everyone is watching right? Or at least that is how I feel.

But all he is trying to do is run away from me. But, I want him to understand that we can’t run into the gym, so I hold him there, which makes him angry, which makes him yell as he physically fights against me. Did I mention I’m also holding a very heavy 8 month old during this little wrestling match?

Finally the child runs off, away from the gym, and honestly, I let him go. I just give up.

This scene may have repeated itself a few times throughout the evening.

There are several more stories of direct disobedience from my other children that evening, but I just can’t, so I’ll just leave you with that gem.

Can you relate?

Today, I have the morning to myself. My oldest 3 are in school , the baby is napping, and all I can hear are the sounds of raindrops outside my window. Ah, actual silence. I had heard some excellent advice the day before from a Mama of 8 (so you know she knows what she’s talking about right?) to give your first fruits to God and let everything else fall into place. For some this may look like getting up before your children, but we are in baby stage right now so in the morning hours, I sleep when the baby sleeps. Period. But, these first fruits can also look like giving the first minutes of nap time to God, so here I am.

I prayed that God would use his word to speak to me and I read the verse that goes along with our bible studies reading tonight. And you guys. The whole thing spoke to me.

Philippians 2:3-11

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

(Thinking here of me wanting the other parents at the gym to not see me fail to get my child to obey)

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

(Be more concerned with how my 3 year old is processing this, than my own panicky “i’m about to fail” feelings)

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus;
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped.

(I cannot be perfect. I can’t do this perfectly)

Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in his appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death. Even death on a cross!
Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every other name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on the earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. ”
Philipians 2:3-11

What stood out to me in this passage.

What I saw here was this process of Jesus becoming humble to the point of obedience. So humility and obedience are directly linked. We see in verse 7 that he became humble by taking the form of a servant. So a heart for service, leads to a heart of humility, which leads to a true heart of obedience.

I think it would make sense to conclude from this, that obedience is the purest form of humility. True obedience requires a servants posture. We must sacrifice our own desires and set them aside to become humble and truly obey.

That is heavy, weighty stuff. That makes me pause, breath deep, and ask myself if I have been truly obeying from a place of humility, or “obeying” out of selfish ambition or vain conceit (verse 3) just to appear that I am doing the right thing.

So what kind of obedience do I want to teach my children? One rooted in humility or vain conceit?

Now let’s go back to my 3 year old. Let’s examine his ability to be a humble servant. (Bahahahaha!)

Honestly, I have witnessed a few sweet moments in his life where he wants to share, and he wants to help. And I don’t know, maybe children do have a more purity in there heart when it comes to servitude. Jesus did tell us to have faith like them. However, that selfish ambition is unbridled right now. He is young, and on the whole, does not have the self restraint to set aside his desires and obey from a place of humility. At least not on his own. Not without me helping him through that. Self restraint and self control are gained with tools that are taught, not by expecting our children to just stuff it and obey. (Trust me. That was most of our method with our oldest and now he is eight and is just now learning the tools of self control that we are teaching our three year old. It’s a lot easier, and cuter, to teach a three year old these things.)

PLUS, he is developmentally in a place right now where he is exploring his independents from Mommy and Daddy. Like, it’s science! I’m fighting against God’s created science here!

So what am I getting at?

One, it helps to know where the disobedience in our children is coming from – the human condition. Sin to be exact. It helps me, in turn, not take all of this blame and failure on myself. It lightens the load.

Two, It helps me cultivate empathy for my children. This is a newer idea to me and I do not do it well very often, but I believe empathy is a key component to healthy parenting. Our children need to feel heard, and understood, because #thestruggleisreal. For all of us! And too often I can treat my children like these little things I’m raising and need to control so I can just keep my sanity and not feel like a total failure, and I forget that they have souls. Hearts that hurt. Minds that struggle. Boy, that’s just awful to say out loud that I forget my children are humans sometimes, but it’s true. Because, I’m selfish. Struggling, just like them to do things out of a servant’s love for others and not selfish ambition.

Gosh, I think if we all just said out loud more often how selfish we can all be, we would have a lot less unhappiness because of comparison, and a lot more joy and connection formed over honesty. But that’s a bit of a rabbit trail. Going back…

Applying these principles

So today, I’m going to try and actually think of my children as struggling sinners and not take it as a personal failure when they don’t listen to me. But rather empathize with them when they fail. And, of course, go on to teach them what is right and how we can do better next time, but all of that from a place of humility on my end . Letting them know, “it’s hard for me too buddy.”

Embrace the obedience + humility.

And then lean into that grace.

How does the idea of obedience + humility as a parent sit with you? What are your thoughts about viewing our children as struggling sinners, just as we are?

Love,

Emma

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