One of my favorite things to do is to go on slow, peaceful walks and talk and pray out loud. To be honest, I only ever get these a handful of times a year in this season, but it would be so healthy for me to have more. I just need to ask and make space for them. I’m working on it.

One question I often ask God on these walks is “what do you have for me?” I’m a dreamer. I love thinking about the future and what’s to come. To me, anything is possible in the future. I could be a blogger turned writer, a full time mom who writes music and records albums on the side, or maybe we finally buy a house in the country and I have my own farmer’s market stand filled with things I’ve grown or created on our farm. (does that sound obnoxiously “dreamy”? Sorry, I did warn you. I’m a dreamer. Rose colored glasses are a constant accessory of mine, haha!) I’m always wondering what God may have planned for our future.

But this question always leads to a dead end. At the end of my little dream session, nothing has actually changed. Nothing has actually happened to get me any closer to any of those dreams. Eventually, I have to back to my (VERY) loud and busy home full of adorable little people and I’m right back where I started. The dreaming was only a temporary escape.

But what if I’m asking the wrong question? What if what I really should be asking is, “Lord, what should I be doing right now with these gifts you have given me?” Because we don’t actually have to wait on anything to be using these unique gifts or talents that we’ve all been given. The gifts are right there inside of us, waiting to be opened. Waiting to fulfill their purpose.

I’m always thinking of experiencing these ventures that I dream about on a grand scale. As in, “already achieved and looking awesome.” No journey. But what if I just did these things for me? No grand accomplishment that is bright and shiny, but just to exercise that creative muscle of mine that is probably in atrophy…just for me. In my own little world. And not in a selfish way, but in a way that is without comparison. It’s simply for my own joy and pleasure. Nothing more. If I want to share the end product with people, great! But no comparing or perfection allowed during the the creative process. When I try to write like someone else, it’s paralyzing. At some point I totally freeze up and I don’t enjoy the process because I’m putting pressure on myself the whole time. Then I inevitably stop writing.

And I know what’s keeping me from writing. It’s a fear of failure. It’s a fear of judgment. It’s fear that all the self appointed “grammar police”. (There are a few of those in my family so It’s a legitimate fear.) (Also, thought this was too funny not to share, I genuinely spelled the word “grammar” wrong the first go round and literally had to correct it with spell check. So yeah. I guess I should let that fear go. Not much hope here, haha!) It’s a fear that people will criticize me. It’s a fear that the practical duties of my life will not get done if I actually give myself time for just me. It’s maybe even a fear that I won’t like who I am once I really let my guard down and go for it.

But you know what? All of that is bull shirt.

Bull shirt! (The Good Place anyone? If you don’t get it, go watch The Good Place and thank me later)

And, it’s probably just the enemy trying to get to me.

And what if, what if, leaving these creative gifts untapped and as my fear would have me do is part of what’s contributing to my anxiety and depression I can experience? Because we’ve all been created by a good God who has given us unique abilities and talents, and I’m betting, his intention in that was so that we would actually use them. And that when we use those gifts, it gives us life. It would connect us the creative side of God. WE are made in his image, right? And he is the creator of all things! I’m betting these gifts are significant. And maybe if we just allowed ourselves to express those gifts through creativity without comparison or fear of judgement, maybe we would begin feel that significance that God sees. Maybe it would give us life. Maybe it’s part of us coming fully alive.

As I mentioned above, were we not created in the image of a creator? Doesn’t that make us little creators? If God isn’t God without creating, then maybe we aren’t healthy, fully alive human beings without creating.

When Adam and Eve first left the garden, they had to create there own everything. There was nothing but materials to work with. They built their own home, made their own clothing, worked their own ground. And all of these efforts yielded a created product in the end. Shelter, clothing, a meal.

And now we live in a day and age where very little in our daily life is left to actaully create. So much is already made for us. The instinct to create could not be so primal or natural in this enviornment.

We have to make time for it now. We have to slow our lives down. Make a meal from scratch. Work your backyard garden. Sit and journal your thoughts. Write a poem. Spin your potters wheel. Sew. Color a coloring page with your kids.

And now that I’ve processed through some of this, it’s easy to see how we can lose our feelings of significants when we’re not creating. And yes, the core of our significants is ultimately found as being children of the Lord and I know I haven’t even scratched the surface of living within that amazing fact, but he did give us these gifts. He wants us to use them. They do have a purpose. And i’m wondering if it isn’t to connect us back to who we are in him. When we are creating, maybe it’s easier to get into the headspace that we are created. Created of the Creator. That one sentence, “Created of the Creator”, brings my whole existence into alignment for me. In fact, It was a phrase I repeated to myself often when I was deep in grief after losing our son, Ezra.

There is so much weight into knowing that we are created. It means that someone must have put much care and attention into making me, and I must be worth something to them. I must be of value to my creator. In Luke 19:5 Jesus calls out Zacchaeus, an unwanted outcast of that society, by name, personally. He knows me by name. He knows me.

Friend, I believe there is great significance in using our creative gifts because it connects us back to who we are in Christ – the created of the creator.

I know first hand that it seems like climbing an impossible mountain sometimes to find time for you with little children in the home. Maybe some days we just do some creative things with our kids. Maybe others we get the alone time we need to create for just us. Maybe some days it is as simple as pausing to really enjoy that kitchen table that we finally cleared off and made look pretty again with a vase or flowers or by lighting yummy candle as a centerpiece.

What do you want to do?

Knowing full well that no one may answer, I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas in the comments below!

Love,

Emma