This post was written over 8 years ago, on my original blog. I wrote this mere months after our loss and was deeply in the midst of grieving my stillborn baby -Ezra Shepherd Sweat.

If you have experienced a similar loss, I share it again with you here, in hopes that it will help you feel you are not alone. What you will read below is essentially a glimpse into what prayers looked like at the time, grieving my stillborn baby boy.

The Weeping and the Wailing

As I mourn the loss of time on this earth with my precious son, I find myself crying “no, no” over and over again.

I am still in shock that I do not get to keep him.

God be near.

Unrecognizable groans and wails escape from my mouth that I do not know to be my own.  All I want is my baby.

Lord, hold me.

I shake with agony and raw pain and hurt. My heart feels a physical heaviness. Will I ever be whole again?

Jesus, restore my soul

When the fog of grief begins to clear and I can conceive a thought besides the emotion that I am feeling, I remember your Word.

God help me to open it. Give me the strength to sit up and search your holy book for the truths my weary soul longs for. 

I fumble through pages, desperate for a verse that will give me hope. It is a struggle to even know where to begin.

Finally;
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped “-Psalm 28:7 

It’s so simple.

Lord, help me trust you 

“Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried” – Isaiah 53:4 

I remember you have carried not only my sins to the cross, but also my grief and my sorrow.

Jesus, do not let this pain consume me.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” – 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

I know I will see my sweet Ezra again.

This is not the end.

The best is yet to come.

God, let me fix my eyes on you and know this world is temporary. Engrave the promise of eternity deeply in to the fibers of my weary heart.

Holy spirit, lift me up.

God of mercy, hold my hand.

Are You Grieving the Loss of your Stillborn Baby?

If this is you, my heart goes out to you sweet one. Losing a child is the hardest road a parent will ever walk. The pain is absolutely brutal.

I can tell you now as I stand, 8 years later, that the pain will lessen.

You will feel like you can breath again.

Smile again.

Have faith again.

I do plan to write more about this experience and pull old blog posts from my time of grieving to this platform. If that is content you would like to see more of, will you please let me know in the comments below?

If you feel lead to share, I would love to know your name and your baby’s name so that I can pray for you. ❤️

You are not alone.

Love,

Emma

More of My Writings on Faith and Grief

• A Prayer for Peace When Someone You Love is Diagnosed with a Serious Illness
• Our Purpose as the Created of the Creator
• How Parenting My Children’s Disobedience and My Faith Work Together.

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